


u don't no jaxx

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Future Fic, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-19
Updated: 2011-08-19
Packaged: 2019-01-27 17:17:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12586792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: After he fails in America, Jin gets a second chance at more than just his career.





	u don't no jaxx

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

_“We’re sorry, Mr. Akanishi. We can’t carry you anymore.”_

_“This market is very fickle – it’s either hit or miss. It seems like you missed.”_

_“Don’t worry, Jin. You’re still popular in Japan, even if you can’t go back to the way things were.”_

Jin stares unseeingly at the darkness outside the airplane window. It’s a cloudless night in the middle of the Pacific Ocean; if he cared enough to try, he could probably see the water below. Instead, he wonders if they crossed the international date line yet. The first dozen times he made this journey, he was fascinated at how he could jump into the future just by crossing an imaginary line. Now he just feels like he loses a day.

It doesn’t matter anymore, he recalls with a snort. The loud whirring of the airplane motor is enough to drown him out, but he still feels guilty and looks around to see if his noise disturbed anyone else. It appears that he’s the only one still awake on the flight. That doesn’t matter, either – he has all the time in the world to sleep now. He doesn’t have a job.

_“I don’t have room for failures in my agency. You can go, but if you fail, you are not welcome back.”_

Jin would call a flopped album and two minor roles (Asian #X) in indie movies a big failure. He’d opened for Jason Derulo on his tour after their collaboration single had soared to the top of the charts, and 47 Ronin had gotten decent reviews, but that was it for Jin. America wasn’t impressed by him. He hadn’t needed to worry about addressing his questionable past in Japan because nobody asked him about it. Nobody wanted to interview him.

And now he was on a plane back to Japan for the last time. He’d called Pi the minute Warner dropped him, and naturally his best friend said he could stay with him for as long as he wanted. He had his parents, too, and he knows his other friends would let him crash if he needed to, but he’s never been that good at saving money and he can only mooch for so long. Akanishi Jin is many unfavorable things, but he is not a freeloader. He may be materialistic and a party boy, but he pays his own way, always.

On the silent plane somewhere between today and tomorrow, Jin dreads his homecoming in the country that once revered him. Whatever he has left in his bank account, he would bet it all on Johnny using his connections to ensure that Jin never graces an Asian stage again. He may as well have a tail permanently between his legs for the walk of shame at Narita, which he’s sure has been leaked to the Internet for bonus humiliation. The konbinis probably won’t even hire him, not that he’s good at retail anyway. Maybe he can work online translating or something.

But nobody’s at the airport waiting for him and Tokyo seems to be bustling like normal in the early hours of the morning. It’s only been three years since Jin left the country for good to pursue his dream, but it looks like everything has changed. Nobody seems to recognize him or even give him a second glance. A young woman at the baggage claim is rude to him as he gets his bags. The taxis appear to ignore him completely, and Jin doesn’t bother waiting for long before trudging towards the train station. If nobody gives a shit about him here anymore, he’s going to take advantage of it and go for the cheaper commute.

Pi, who is half asleep, hugs him for what feels like five hours when he walks in the door, and Jin thinks about crying. He feels like he should, like that’s what the proper reaction is to your dreams going down the toilet, but all he can do is stare over Pi’s shoulder at the bare white walls of Pi’s living room, eyes completely dry. They’re so dry that they hurt, probably bloodshot from not sleeping on the plane and the few (strong) drinks he’d had before boarding.

Something paws at his leg and Jin looks down to see Pin demanding his attention. Pi’s deep voice sounds faraway, mumbling about Jin needing a friend he can cuddle, and Jin laughs at the way Pi interrupts himself with a yawn as he kneels to greet their dog.

“Go back to sleep,” Jin tells him, hugging Pin tighter than he means to. “I’ll be fine.”

“Gotta work anyway,” Pi replies, zombie-ing his way into the kitchen for breakfast. “You should come by later after you’ve slept. The guys would love to see you.”

Jin smiles despite himself. Only NEWS would be happy to see someone who made their company look bad in a foreign market. Koyama would probably bake him a sympathy cake, much like the one he’d baked when Jin first debuted solo. Maybe Koyama’s mom would hire him; Jin isn’t that bad at cooking. Their shop gets a lot of business from Koyama’s fans, and they’re usually as genuinely nice as he is.

“Maybe,” is all he says. “Are you sure lightning won’t strike when I walk into the building?”

Pi ruffles his hair, and Jin bites back a quip about who is the older one here. “It may look good if you approach him first and apologize,” Pi says gently. “He may take back what he said and find something else for you to do.”

“What, clean toilets?” Jin scoffs. “Costume tailor? Your personal assistant?”

A pause implies that Pi is considering that last one, and Jin punches him in the shin. “I’m not bringing you lunch.”

“I don’t have time for lunch anyway,” Pi says sadly. “I have a full schedule today.”

Jin stops at Lawson’s on his way into the office later and picks up a dozen meat buns. If he remembers correctly, this is like bringing donuts when it comes to NEWS. He didn’t bother to sleep, but he feels considerably better after a long shower and grooming with Pi’s products. Nobody even looks at him on the train and Jin thinks about picking up some job applications on the way back. He’ll probably be more open to doing manual labor after getting reamed by his now ex-boss.

There isn’t a cake, but Koyama’s hugs are just as comforting as Pi’s and even Tegoshi is nice to him. Kato subtly mentions something he’d heard on the news about finishing high school online and Massu seems to be smiling brighter. For a brief second, Jin’s a little jealous of their unconditional camaraderie and wishes he’d been assigned to NEWS instead, then almost kicks himself for even thinking it. Above all else, even if he doesn’t have it anymore, he owes all of his success to being chosen for KAT-TUN. Regardless of what happened since then, it’s something he will never regret.

“Jin.”

Speaking of KAT-TUN. Jin knows the voice before he even turns around, his eyes landing on a slightly older version of the big nose he used to make fun of constantly. Out of all of them, Jin’s glad it’s Nakamaru who found him first, although he wonders how the hell the oldest member even knew he was back – until he sees the guilty look on Massu’s face. Nakamaru doesn’t hug him or even step any closer, but the sympathy in his eyes are the closest Jin has come to tears since he got the news.

“You really are back,” Nakamaru says in disbelief. “Koki owes me dinner now.”

It’s so  _normal_  that Jin feels awkward, standing here with people he used to know and talking like nothing changed. It could be five years prior with the way they’re all acting. Jin wouldn’t be surprised if Kamenashi strutted into the room next and actually acknowledged him. It occurs to him that this could be a dream and he’d really just fallen asleep on the plane, but then Ryo is smacking him in the back of the head and that kind of pain is definitely real.

“Are you listening?” Ryo asks through a mouthful of meat bun.

“ _Ow_ ,” Jin whines, glaring at Ryo as he rubs his head. He didn’t even see the small man come in the room.

“Ryo-chan,” Koyama says in a reprimanding tone. “What Akanishi-kun needs is a friend right now-”

“What he needs is a smack in the head,” Ryo interrupts. “So I gave him one.”

“Such a good friend,” Jin grumbles.

“As I was saying,” Ryo says pointedly. “I just came from Johnny-san’s office, and he said if you are really here to go see him.”

Jin blinks. “Shit.”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Koyama rushes to say comfortingly. “Maybe he just wants you to sign some exit papers or something.”

“Maybe,” Jin says absently as he bows his head slightly at the group of them in parting. It feels like an unnatural gesture after so long of shaking hands and bro-fisting. It had only taken three years to wipe out the culture he’d experienced his entire life.

“Akanishi-kun, welcome back,” Johnny greets him warmly, and all apprehension leaves Jin at the tone. Koyama may be right after all. “Please have a seat.”

Jin’s been in this office many times, although none recently. Johnny’s a conservative man, though, and the decor hasn’t changed since the last time. The atmosphere seems much better than then and Jin feels good enough to smile. “How are you, sir?”

“Surprised,” Johnny says bluntly. “Disappointed. I thought you’d succeed.”

Jin hangs his head. “I’m sorry, sir-”

“Not you,” Johnny cuts him off. “The American market. It doesn’t make sense why they didn’t take to you. Your music is no different than what’s popular over there. It may even be better.”

Jin blinks. “You’re not firing me?”

“What?” Johnny asks, looking positively confused. “Why would I fire you? You’re my wild card.”

“Your what?” Jin replies. Now he feels like he’s been transported into a different dimension. “But you said that if I failed, I wasn’t welcome back.”

“Motivation,” Johnny says simply. “That was also for the fans, to make it easier for them to let you go. It sets up my backup plan that we’re going to execute now.”

“Backup plan?” Jin asks carefully. There have been rumors about the old man going crazy for years, and Jin is starting to believe it. “What are you talking about?”

Johnny leans over his desk, pointing the tips of his fingers together as he addresses Jin. “Don’t you want to perform still?”

“Absolutely,” Jin answers. That is one thing he’s sure of. “It’s what I was born to do, no matter where.”

“What about with whom?” Johnny asks, and Jin feels his eyes grow big. “No, not them. There’s not a place for you with them anymore.”

Jin will never admit that he feels the tiniest bit of disappointment at that statement. He tells himself it’s because he’s regressed five years since he’s been back in Japan, and five years ago he was still with  _them_. “Who, then?”

“Come back tomorrow at ten AM,” Johnny tells him. “I’ll have everything ready by then. Oh, and get a Japanese cell phone already. Nishikido-kun isn’t a very reliable messenger.”

Typical Johnny. Jin bows to him and takes his leave, his head in a daze as his feet carry him back to NEWS’ room. Koyama takes one look at his face and shrieks, racing to throw his arms around Jin and spin him around the room, and Ryo’s smug expression tells Jin that he already knew. Jin tells them anyway, and it feels more real when he says the words.

“You should stop by our room,” Nakamaru suggests. “It’s been three years, you know. The longer you go avoiding them, the more they’ll think you really did hate your life when you were with us.”

“I didn’t hate my life,” Jin says, and he means it. “I’m just not ready for that yet. Let me see what Johnny has in store for me first, then I’ll come by. I promise.”

Those two words mean nothing coming from him anymore, but Nakamaru humors him with a nod. “Even Kame still asks after you.”

A sting worse than guilt stabs him at the name. He’s especially not ready for Kame.

*

The thing about living your dreams is that it requires personal sacrifice. This part is often left out of the songs. In order to live his dreams, Jin had to give up everything he knew. It wasn’t fair to KAT-TUN to make them wait for him (again), so he left the group. There was no compromise. He could have stayed, passed on the opportunity and just gone on never knowing what could have been, but it was actually Kame who’d shaken him by the collar and said that if Jin didn’t take this chance and move forward with all of his heart, he wasn’t worthy of ever having been in KAT-TUN.

At twenty-eight, Kame has finally grown into his face, the sharper, more masculine features framed by perfectly styled hair left over from his last drama. His nose still has a bump in it and his jeans fit a little too well, but his eyes are familiar and Jin no longer knows why he’s avoided them for so long.

“What are you doing here?” is all he says, because regardless of the pleasant atmosphere, he didn’t expect him already seated in Johnny’s office the next morning.

“Nice to see you, too,” Kame replies, but there’s a hint of a smirk and now Jin feels like it’s ten years prior. That would take him to a few years before KAT-TUN’s debut, right after they graduated from being Koichi’s backdancers and came into their own. Back when the two of them were inseparable.

“Kamenashi, Akanishi,” Johnny breaks up Jin’s trip down memory lane, looking back and forth between the pair of them from behind his desk. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

Kame scoffs, and all at once Jin remembers the last time the three of them were in here like this. It wasn’t Jin’s official departure or either of his hiatuses – Kame didn’t get involved in any of that – it was much earlier. Kame had a broken nose from picking a fight with Jin and Jin hadn’t been able to control his emotions. Jin doesn’t remember what the fight had been over, only that it had nothing to do with the real reason Kame was upset. They’d gotten scolded and sent on their way, and while they had both fulfilled Johnny’s demand to get along since then, nothing was like it had been before.

“Music is evolving,” Johnny begins. “Long gone are the days of pretty boys dancing provocatively. In recent years, my agency has lost money because of the demanding public. They want more than just a fun show. They want  _talent_.”

Jin chances a look towards Kame, who’s staring straight ahead in rapt attention. He’s reminded of when they were cast for Gokusen 2, when Kame had been completely serious in the meeting but cheered and shrieked in glee about working with his best friend once the formalities were over. Jin can still remember his face, those same eyes that sparkled with happiness and made Jin even more excited for the project. It’s already a painful memory, but somehow it’s even worse when Kame is right here, so close yet so far away. From what Jin hears from mutual friends, Kame’s still the same guy he’s always been, but that fun-loving part of him has been closed to Jin for a long while.

Then Kame turns to look at him and Jin pauses. There’s something in Kame’s eyes that pulls Jin’s focus back on the conversation, because whatever Johnny just said to them invoked a reaction in Kame that Jin hasn’t seen since the day their friendship changed.

“What?” Jin asks, feigning shock like he’d heard the first time and just wanted it repeated for clarity.

“I said,” Johnny booms, “that you and Kamenashi will become a duo unit.”

Jin blinks. “Why?”

He hears another scoff from next to him, and Jin doesn’t dare look over again. This is one of those moments where the situation is so absurd that there’s nothing to do but laugh, and Jin doesn’t think Johnny would appreciate that very much.

Johnny clears his throat pointedly like he can read Jin’s mind. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Akanishi-kun, but Japan doesn’t seem to care about my agency anymore.”

“I noticed that nobody has approached me since I’ve been back,” Jin says. “I thought they had just forgotten me.”

“Stupid,” Kame mutters. “It’s not just you.”

_“It’s not always about you!”_

“Like I said, the demanding public wants  _more_ ,” Johnny says. “Right now my duos are my biggest sales. KinKi Kids, Tackey and Tsubasa, even TegoMasu are bringing in more revenue than my other groups  _combined_. They still sell, of course, but not enough to keep me ahead. I’ve lost my power in this country.”

That explains why Jin still has a job. He smirks as he leans back in his chair and fixes his boss with a knowing look. “So you need me and Kamenashi to save the company?”

He can  _feel_  Kame’s eye roll, and Johnny actually looks amused. “Don’t get cocky, Akanishi. You just said that nobody recognized you anymore, and with your recent failure overseas I’m not too sure you’d be accepted back as a solo artist in the market you abandoned three years ago.”

Jin sucks his lips into his mouth and bows sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

“And Kamenashi isn’t much better off,” Johnny goes on, and Jin feels a hint of sympathy for his ex-bandmate as Johnny turns towards him. “You haven’t had a successful drama for five years and your group is superseding you.”

That last part has Jin turning toward Kame, their issues be damned. “What happened?”

Kame doesn’t answer him, just bows his head at Johnny. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“This is as much for you two as it is for me,” Johnny goes on. “This is your chance to redeem yourselves. The two of you are unstoppable together. I should have made you a duo years ago.”

“I’ll do my best,” Jin says automatically, and right now he believes it.

“I’ll do my best,” Kame echoes.

“That’s my boys,” Johnny says. “There’s been this dark cloud over my office since the two of you stopped singing together. I’m hoping that returning your voices to each other will bring out the sun. Dismissed.”

Jin walks a few feet behind Kame as they head down the long hallway to the elevator, and Jin argues with himself internally until he finally wins. “Kame.”

“Don’t,” Kame replies, his tone firm. “I don’t need anyone else feeling sorry for me, especially you.”

“I won’t,” Jin tells him honestly. “I’m too busy feeling sorry for myself to spare a thought for anyone else.”

Kame scoffs again, but he stops and turns around. “I’m sorry America didn’t work out for you. I was really rooting for it.”

“Thanks,” Jin says, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry you keep getting shitty drama roles.”

Now Kame laughs, a proper laugh that cracks his face and leaves him smiling. “Let’s work well together.”

“About that,” Jin begins, “if we’re going to be partners, we should probably… hang out.”

“Hang out?” Kame questions. “I’m not exactly into your scene, Jin. I wouldn’t want to bore you with my quiet, nonalcoholic surroundings.”

Jin just stares at him. “You called me Jin.”

“That’s your name, isn’t it?” Kame says, then exhales exasperatedly and lowers his voice. “Look, you know as well as I do that this has nothing to do with talent. Johnny’s getting his power back the only way he knows how – by exploiting us. We’ve always been the favorite combination with the fans, haven’t we? It’s been four years since we last shared a stage, and that just means it will be an even bigger deal when we finally do.”

The implication sinks into Jin’s mind as much as he doesn’t want it to. He’d been gone so long that he’d forgotten how Johnny works, how  _Japan_  works and what it means to be in a duo. “Fan service” is a term he hasn’t even thought about since he left KAT-TUN. America had spoiled him by allowing him to be a masculine man who is allowed to like girls, even if the girls hadn’t liked him very much in return.

Jin sighs as he resigns himself to the truth. “AkaKame.”

Kame winces at the name and offers Jin a pitying look. “In response to your proposition, I don’t think it’s necessary for us to hang out. I’m sure we’ll see more than enough of each other at work from now on.”

*

“You can stop laughing anytime,” Jin says flatly.

He doesn’t think Pi even hears him. He’s nearing hysteria, doubled over the back of the couch from the force of his laughter, and Jin hasn’t seen his face that red since that time Jin walked in on him with one hand down his pants and a questionable magazine in the other. In fact, Jin’s about to bring that up to even the score when Pi turns around and leans against the couch, folding his arms.

“Wait, aren’t I supposed to be jealous?” Pi mocks. “Just like you were during Shuuji to Akira?”

“That was almost a decade ago,” Jin retorts. “And I wasn’t  _jealous_ , I was angry that you two were debuting before KAT-TUN.”

“You’re not even doing a drama together!” Pi goes on, looking entirely too amused. “This isn’t temporary! AkaKame forever!”

“I hate you so much,” Jin grumbles, shoving past Pi to flop onto the couch. “I thought I never had to hear that stupid name again.”

The cushion next to him dips, and Jin peeks through his eyelids to find Pi giving him serious eyes. “At least you have a job.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jin sighs. “Although being your personal assistant would be preferable to acting gay with Kamenashi.”

“If it’s any consolation, I’d make you wear a dress,” Pi says, reaching for a lock of Jin’s long hair. “You make such a pretty girl.”

Jin rolls his eyes and falls to the side, laying his head pointedly in Pi’s lap. He smirks as Pi instantly strokes his hair. “I don’t even know him anymore, Pi. We weren’t exactly friends when we were working together before.”

“Jin, you couldn’t have asked for a better partner,” Pi tells him. “Kaz is more professional than anyone I know, even when it comes to fan service. You know that.”

Jin frowns. “He goes by Kaz now?”

“Yeah,” Pi answers. “Well, we all just started calling him Kaz and he didn’t ask us to stop.”

“You’re still friends with him?”

“We never stopped being friends.” Pi stares down at him. “Unlike you.”

Jin avoids his eyes. He’d never told Pi about their falling out, despite multiple attempts by Pi to find out. Jin had claimed they just grew apart, but Pi wasn’t buying it. It still made Jin guilty to think about – it has to be uncomfortable to be friends with people who don’t like each other. The closest Jin has come to this feeling is being friends with Josh, whom nobody likes.

“Kaz,” Jin tests out, then makes a face. It feels weird. Even when they were kids, he was Kazuya. Then Kame-chan. Later, he went from just Kame to the full Kamenashi, until Jin didn’t have to address him anymore.

_“Oh my god, Kazuya, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to, you have to believe me. Are you mad? You look mad.”_

_“Jin… why?”_

_“I don’t know, I was just so happy. I wasn’t thinking, god, I’m so sorry. Isn’t is okay, though? We’re finally going to debut! Nothing else matters. Let’s just be happy and celebrate!”_

_“Jin.”_

_“Kazuya, I said I didn’t mean to. Please don’t be mad at me. I’ve kissed Pi before, it doesn’t mean anything. I won’t do it again, I promise.”_

_“Fine.”_

_“I’m so happy!”_

_[…]_

_“What the fuck was that out there, Akanishi? Are you trying to show me up?”_

_“What are you even talking about? I was dancing.”_

_“You moved right in front of me.”_

_“I did not! We cross over like the choreo says and then dance on opposite sides.”_

_“Don’t play innocent, I know you just want all of the attention.”_

_“What? Kame-chan, that’s not true-“_

_“It’s not always about you! You’re so fucking selfish. You already get most of the vocals and everyone loves you the best-“_

_“Stop saying things like that-“_

_“A group means more than just you, or are you too dumb to remember how to share, too?”_

“Jin, wake up!”

Jin’s eyes fly open, seeing the very close proximity of Pi’s T-shirt and both of Pi’s arms shaking him awake. “I fell asleep,” he mumbles.

“You had a nightmare,” Pi says softly. “Or a day-mare, since it’s still light out.”

Reality comes rushing back to Jin, the current day as well as that day eight years ago. “When we got the news that KAT-TUN was going to debut, they told Kame first and Kame told me first,” he says quickly. “I was so happy and excited that I kissed him, and a week later he picked a fight with me and made me punch him in the face.”

Pi doesn’t say anything for awhile, but his hand returns to Jin’s hair. “I think you need to talk to him about this,” he finally says. “I really, really do.”

“I tried to get him to meet with me outside of work,” Jin says. “He seems to only want to interact with me on Johnny’s dime.”

“He hasn’t moved,” Pi says pointedly. “He still lives in the same place.”

“I don’t want to fight with him anymore.” Jin rolls over onto his back and looks at his best friend with helpless eyes. “All I did for five years was fight with him. This duo can fix both of our careers  _and_  help the company. Johnny said the other groups weren’t selling well, either.”

“NEWS has had all of two singles since you left,” Pi offers. “Every day I expect the announcement that they’re breaking us up.”

Jin scoffs. “If the future of Johnny’s relies on Kame and I being friends again, you all may as well get a head start at the unemployment office.”

“I think you’ll be surprised,” Pi says cryptically.

“What do you know?” Jin practically yells, and Pi shoves him off of the couch. Jin spits carpet out of his mouth and pushes himself up enough to glare. “Since when do you two keep secrets from me?”

“Since it’s his business,” Pi replies sternly. “I won’t break his confidence, so you need to put on your big boy panties and go talk to him.”

“He’s probably not home,” Jin grumbles, stretching out on the floor. “He’s always so busy.”

Pi kicks him. “Jin, he has nothing but KAT-TUN now. All of his shows got cancelled and the other members get more solo work than him. The fans find him boring and hollow. Taguchi is the front man now.”

“That’s awful,” Jin says. “I mean, he  _is_  kind of boring, but I’m also not a teenage girl.”

“Please don’t tell him that,” Pi says. “Now go before I drive you over there myself.”

Jin looks up sheepishly. “Can I get a ride anyway? I can’t exactly afford to buy another car right now.”

On the way to Kame’s place, the newest KAT-TUN single comes on the radio, and Jin can’t even hear Kame’s voice in the melody.

*

“You’re not boring and hollow,” Jin says the second Kame opens the door, and it stuns Kame enough for Jin to let himself inside. “Please talk to me, Kame.”

Wordlessly, Kame turns on his heel and busies himself in the kitchen. Jin takes this as an invitation to have a seat, plopping down on one of Kame’s leather armchairs and checking out the latest decor. Kame strives for variety in his personal life and redecorates at least twice a year. Now it seems he’s going for an orchard theme, with fall colors and pictures of apples on the wall. There’s even a fruit bowl in the middle of the coffee table that Jin starts to reach for until he realizes that they’re fake.

“Saw that,” Kame calls out as he returns with a tray of tea, and Jin lets him enjoy his smugness this time. “Do you still take sugar?”

“Yeah,” Jin replies, surprised that Kame remembered.

Kame must see it in his face, because he laughs as he drops two cubes of sugar into Jin’s tea. “Some things you don’t forget about people. I can tell you Jimmy’s order at McDonald’s and he’s been gone for years.”

“I actually saw him before I left the States,” Jin offers. “He’s doing well. His school isn’t far from where I lived in Beverly Hills, so we met up every now and then.”

“That’s good,” Kame says. “Did you come all the way over here so we can discuss our old friends like a pair of housewives?”

“If that’s what it takes to talk to you again,” Jin replies. “Why are you so cold to me?”

“I’ve always been cold to you, Jin, you just aren’t used to it anymore.”

“I really think we should make an effort to fix whatever happened to break our friendship when KAT-TUN debuted.”

There, he said it. He watches Kame’s face intently, seeing his eyes take on that unfamiliar expression again before fading back into apathy. “For the duo, or for us?” Kame asks airily.

“Both,” Jin replies. “I’m not as good of an actor as you. I can’t pretend to be friends with someone with whom I’m not.”

“I’m well aware of that,” Kame tells him. “Forgive me if I don’t buy you suddenly giving a shit about me now that we have to work together again.”

Jin blinks at him. “Why won’t you just talk to me? I know it has to do with what I did when you told me we were debuting. What I don’t understand is why it made you hate me.”

Kame takes a long sip from his tea and fixes Jin with a blank stare. “This is just like you to blame it all on me. You don’t take any responsibility on your own.”

“I apologized!” Jin exclaims. “What do you want me to do? I can’t take it back. I told you a million times, it didn’t mean anything. It was eight years ago, why can’t you just forget about it?”

“You don’t forget your first kiss, Jin,” Kame says darkly. “Especially if the other person insists that it didn’t mean anything.”

“I… what?” Jin stutters, dumbfounded. “Did you want it to mean something?”

Kame clears his throat. “Once upon a time, I may have.”

Thousands of things fly through Jin’s mind, and none of them are the right thing to say. “You hate me because you love me?”

Now Kame gives him an unimpressed look. “You’re so conceited. It has nothing to do with love. You fucked me up, Jin. You opened a side of me that I didn’t even know I had, one that I wish I could have kept closed forever. I tried to forget about it, but it was too late. I’d already had a taste of a man and no longer yearned for women.”

Jin pauses to let Kame’s words sink in. “You’re gay?”

Kame nods.

“Have you been with men? Like for real?”

Kame nods.

“And you like it?”

“What’s with the invasive questions?” Kame snaps. “Of course I like it, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Since you’re blaming me for it, it is my business,” Jin shoots back. “You’re a hypocrite, aren’t you? You accuse me of blaming everything on you when you’re blaming me for your own sexuality. I didn’t make you gay, Kame. If anything, I helped you accept it. How miserable would you be if you’d been with women this entire time, never knowing where your true attractions lie? You should be thanking me for opening your eyes.”

Kame scoffs. “You consistently amaze me with your self-immersion.”

“Do you really regret it?” Jin asks incredulously. “There’s nothing wrong with it, you know. I have gay friends back in Cali. It’s not dirty or immoral. Love is love no matter what’s in their pants.”

“Like I said, it has nothing to do with love,” Kame says. “I don’t feel anything towards those men. I can’t.”

Everything in Jin’s body is screaming for him to ask why, but he’s old enough to control himself now and takes a deep breath instead. “Look, Kame. Kazuya. I know my opinion doesn’t mean much to you anymore, but I don’t like how you’re acting like this is a bad thing. Love is beautiful and just because you like guys doesn’t mean you deserve it any less.”

Kame stares at him for a long time, then busies himself with the teapot. “Thanks.”

“This isn’t you,” Jin goes on. “You’re Kamenashi fucking Kazuya, the head bitch in charge. If we’re going to be working together again, you better live up to your reputation.”

“It’s not like that anymore,” Kame says, hiding a smile. “I’m just that scrawny guy dancing behind Taguchi and Nakamaru now.”

“Well then,” Jin starts, “you’ll just have to earn it back.”

“No,” Kame contests. “ _We’ll_  have to earn it back.”

On impulse, Jin holds up his fist, and when Kame pounds it, he feels twenty again.

*

“‘JAXX’?” Jin reads, arching an eyebrow. “Is he serious?”

“It could be worse,” Kame says with a shrug. “I like it.”

Jin thinks about it and turns his head to view Kame as XX instead of KK. “I guess I can live with it.”

“Apple Jacks,” Kame says in English, his eyes lighting up in challenge.

“Ajax,” Jin adds without missing a beat.

“Michael  _Jacks_ on,” Kame goes on.

“Jacks off,” Jin says, and snorts in laughter.

The palm of Kame’s hand is immediately smacking his arm. “How old are you?!”

“Thirty!” Jin declares with a grin. “And still young!”

“And still with the mentality of a twelve-year-old,” Kame corrects, but he’s smiling. “Let’s work well together as JAXX, okay Jin?”

Jin’s grin relaxes into a comfortable expression of happiness as he looks at his new partner, all grown up and looking more calm and content than Jin’s seen him in years. They’re sitting in Kame’s living room again, pouring over the information sheet that Johnny had sent them both, which details their unit itinerary for the next couple weeks.

“It says here that we’re supposed to write our own debut song,” Jin says, the kanji practically glowing on the screen. “What on earth could we write together?”

“I think we can make something work,” Kame replies. “Just keep a good portion of it in Japanese and I’m fine with whatever you pick. I liked your American music.”

Jin glances up from the paper. “You did?”

Nodding, Kame pointed at the first date on the paper. “Our first appearance is set for next Wednesday. We should probably get started. Let’s go with something slow, kind of R&B to showcase our voices. The B-sides can be more upbeat, if you want.”

“Slow, kind of R&B,” Jin repeats, a beat already forming in his mind. “I can do that.” He sighs as he remembers he’s basically homeless. “I wish I still had my studio here, man. This kind of sucks that I have to rebuild my life again, and I can’t do any of it until we start getting paid.”

“I have an extra room,” Kame offers. “I’ve never had the need for a studio before, but since it’s for our duo, I don’t mind fronting the costs. You can just buy me dinner or something later.”

“All right,” Jin agrees. “As long as you let me pay you back for half.”

“I’ll hold you to it, don’t worry,” Kame promises. “Let’s go get equipment.”

It’s a credit to how much Jin and Kame have fallen out of the spotlight that nobody even acknowledges them at the electronics store. Five years ago, they wouldn’t have been able to step foot on the street, let alone together, without getting flocked by fans and tabloid speculations. Now they just walk right into the store and Kame stands around while Jin picks out what he wants, and it takes forever to find a sales associate to assist them.

“Okay,” Jin says a few hours later, when he’s got everything hooked up and he’s speaking to Kame through the soundboard. “What kind of image does JAXX have?”

“Sexy, probably,” Kame answers, and Jin starts fiddling with the dials and levers. “And, well, it’s  _us_ , so I’m sure we’ll have an image of ‘enemies reunited’ without even trying.”

Jin snorts. “So professional, Kazuya. Would you like me to write a song about our angst as well?”

“You know what I mean,” Kame says. “Although, I’d imagine our angst song would be very rockish and angry.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to give the old man a few options,” Jin thinks out loud as he jots some lyrics down into his notebook. “If you’re cool with expressing your personal issues through music, of course.”

“That’s the only way I can express them,” Kame responds, and Jin shifts the notebook between them so that they can get to work.

Within the first official twenty-four hours as a duo unit, JAXX has three songs and they both already know which one will be chosen for their debut.

*

“It’s kind of got a Real Face feeling, doesn’t it?”

Jin listens carefully at the vocals they just recorded. “I guess so. I think it’s just our harmony chords that are similar. I can try it a half step lower.”

“No,” Kame says. “Leave it. It works.”

It’s been awhile since Jin could read Kame’s mind, but right now he hears it loud and clear.  _It’s a pleasant reminder of the past._  For the first time, Jin wonders if he’ll ever sing Real Face again. If he and Kame end up doing a concert, would it be okay for them to sing old KAT-TUN songs together? Would he be asked to visit the next KAT-TUN show and sing with them for old time’s sake? Singing with Kame is enough of a time turner – he doesn’t know if he could handle all five of them.

Johnny likes all three of JAXX’s songs and, as expected, the Real Face-like one is selected as the A side. The coupling songs are the R&B track Jin wrote, a solo for each of them to be decided later, and a cover of KinKi Kids’ Ao no Jidai. The song that gets left out is the upbeat pop song that Johnny says is better suited for KAT-TUN, to which Kame agrees, and Jin doesn’t think twice before offering it up to them. The byline of “lyrics and composition by J. Akanishi” is enough to make him feel like part of the group again.

“I guess we should move on to choreography,” Kame says after they get the go-ahead. “It’s so different doing everything ourselves.”

“That’s your department,” Jin tells him. “Just don’t make me do anything too embarrassing, please.”

“I’m going to make you do cartwheels,” Kame says so seriously that Jin doesn’t know he’s kidding until he laughs. “Can you even still backflip, old man?”

“Old man…” Jin scoffs, striding out to the middle of the practice room and jumping backwards. His landing is a little shaky, but he makes it and gives Kame a smug look.

“You know what they expect from us,” Kame says pointedly.

In response, Jin stretches out his arms and executes a perfect hip roll in the mirror. It only hurts a little, and Kame sees his wince. “One or two should be fine,” he insists. “It’s not as bad as it used to be.”

“Okay,” Kame says slowly. “But tell me the minute it starts to become too much. You can always just stand behind me while I do it or something.”

Jin catches his eye in the mirror and half-smiles. “Thanks.”

“Mine’s not as good as yours, though,” Kame mumbles, then raises his voice like he hadn’t spoken. “We’ll put it right after the first chorus. Both of us, facing each other, is that all right with you?”

“Yeah, sure,” Jin replies. “It’s been awhile since I’ve done the whole fan service thing, but I’m sure it’s like riding a bike.”

Kame laughs. “We’ll ease you back in slowly,” he jokes. “Let’s practice.”

Jin expects it to be uncomfortable, but rolling his hips with Kame feels as natural as singing. He watches them in the mirror and they look great together, flowing fluidly together, and Jin makes it a few more rounds before the soreness starts to get to him. Kame chooses that exact second to rest his hand on Jin’s waist under the pretense of pulling him closer, and he snatches it back like it burns when Jin jumps from the pain.

“I’m sorry,” Kame rushes to say. “I guess it was too much.”

“Yeah,” Jin admits, bending to clutch onto his waist. “I need to rest for a minute.”

Kame looks confused for a second, then recognition floods his eyes as his face takes on an expression of relief and he quickly returns to Jin’s side to help him over to the bench. “Oh, your injury is flaring up.”

“Yeah,” Jin says again as he tries to stretch through it. “What did you think it was?”

“I just…” Kame starts, then shakes his head. “Never mind.”

“Out with it, Kamenashi,” Jin demands. “There can’t be any secrets between us if we’re going to work together.”

“I thought you jumped because I touched you,” Kame says all in one breath, then inhales sharply. “Now that I said it out loud, I realize how stupid that sounds”

Jin laughs. “I don’t care about that. It looked good. We should do it like that for the performance.”

He feels a head on his shoulder, emitting a sigh. “Why is this weird? Because I, you know, don’t like girls?”

“Can’t you say it properly?” Jin asks. “It’s not a dirty word, Kazuya. And no, this isn’t weird because you’re gay. It’s weird because you’re making it weird.”

“It’s hard for me to say it,” Kame whispers, almost too quiet for Jin to hear. “I’ve only told a few people.”

“Your parents don’t know?” Jin exclaims. “You’re twenty-eight years old.”

“And you’re living in another world if you think I can just march up to my conservative Japanese parents and tell them… that,” Kame snaps back. “I’m fine with things the way they are.”

“Do you even have anyone to talk to about it?” Jin asks curiously. “Any gay friends? Koki?”

Kame snorts. “Koki always side-eyes me like I’m going to rape him or something. He says he’s fine with it, but he’s definitely kept his distance since I told them.”

“That’s stupid,” Jin practically spits. “Just because you like guys doesn’t mean you want to sleep with every one you meet.” He lifts his eyes to Kame’s. “If there’s one thing I learned in America, it’s how to have an open mind and accept people who are different. One of my best friends is gay. His Japanese isn’t very good, but I’ll give you his email address.”

“That’s not necessary-”

“Not for a hook up,” Jin clarifies. “Just to have someone to talk to. No arguments. This is for our duo, because you can’t be the head bitch in charge if you’re insecure about your sexuality. Until you can confidently say ‘My name is Kamenashi Kazuya and I’m gay’, we can’t do our best together. Even if you just say it into this mirror.”

Kame eyes himself in the mirror and swallows. “I’ll try, Jin. But I’ll never do it publicly.”

“You don’t have to,” Jin assures him. “This isn’t about making everyone else accept you. This is about accepting yourself.”

He sees Kame’s frown in the mirror and his heart breaks a little. “I’ll try,” Kame says again.

That’s good enough for Jin. For now. “I’m okay now,” he says as he carefully stands up. “What else have you got in store for me?”

Kame looks relieved to get back to work, and Jin pays attention to the other movements Kame choreographs on the spot for their new song. They go well with the music – naturally – and Jin catches on fast, falling into step with him as they both scrutinize every move in the mirror.

Within the hour, they’re dancing through the entire routine from start to finish, with Jin only rocking a bit through the double hip roll, and they’re more in sync than they were back when Koichi was running the ship. Jin feels good about this, really good, and one look at Kame’s face tells him that he’s not alone.

“Ready to give the country a heart attack?” Jin asks as he catches his breath.

“The world,” Kame corrects, and they smirk at each other through the mirror.

*

He couldn’t avoid them forever. JAXX’s first rehearsal is right after a KAT-TUN meeting, and Jin feels right at home when Koki runs up to him and manages to hug him and punch him at the same time.

“Asshole,” Koki says fondly. “Don’t be such a stranger.”

Taguchi looks different, still confident as he’s always been but with a new air about him. It’s how Kame used to look back when Jin was in the group, only Taguchi smiles a lot more. Fame and popularity look good on him.

“It’s so strange to see you two willingly standing next to each other again,” Ueda says with a knowing smile. “For a second, I forgot what decade it was.”

“Tell me about it,” Kame scoffs. “Since our unit has been formed, I feel sixteen years old again.”

“Only less awkward-looking,” Jin jokes, and Kame shoves him playfully.

“I think everything happens for a reason,” Nakamaru says slowly, like he’s thinking hard about his words before he says them. “Failures and obstacles lead to success that couldn’t be achieved had you not been forced to choose a new path.”

“Excuse me, but when did you get philosophical?” Jin teases. “You sound like Kazuya.”

“Hey,” Kame protests, ignoring Ueda’s questioning eyebrow.

“I did really well in philosophy class,” Nakamaru says sheepishly. “That reminds me, Jin, I’m going to graduate soon. I already gave out all of my tickets to the ceremony, but maybe you can get someone to take you as their guest. I didn’t think you’d be available to come back for it or I would have saved you one. I’d really like you to be there.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Jin says. “I’m glad I’m here for it.”

“Everything happens for a reason,” Nakamaru repeats with a wink. “Good luck with your new unit. I can’t wait to see what kind of explosion you two make together.”

Jin’s smile wavers. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Nakamaru shrugs. “You and Kaz were always competing for the spotlight, and now you have to share it. With how different your individual styles are, it’ll be interesting to see them combined. That’s all.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy it,” Jin says, and Kame nods from next to him. “We should go.”

Jin’s instantly squeezed by Taguchi, Nakamaru latching onto his back, and he feels the weight of Ueda’s hand on his shoulder too.

“Take care of our turtle,” Nakamaru whispers for only Jin to hear, and his words echo in Jin’s head long after their rehearsal is over.

“I’m beat,” Kame says on the way back. “Do you think you could take the train home from my place? Or just crash there.”

“I can crash,” Jin agrees, “if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Kame says, punctuating with a yawn. “Oh, and you can have my guest ticket to Yuichi’s graduation ceremony if you want. I don’t have anyone else to take.”

“Sure, thanks.” Jin tries to ignore the sting of pity in his heart at Kame’s obvious loneliness. Caring about Kame is both foreign and familiar at the same time; even when they weren’t speaking, Jin couldn’t completely squash his concern for Kame’s welfare and his curiosity at what Kame was up to.

As he curls up on Kame’s couch, he thinks about this past week and how everything seemed to change between them overnight. Starting with a conversation that should have happened five years ago, at least, and the only reason it happened at all was because they were forced into a partnership. Now they need each other to reclaim their respective popularity, which they can only do by working together. Nakamaru was right – if Jin had been successful in America, or if he’d been fired from the agency instead of given a second (third) chance, he may have never reconciled with Kame.

He’s nowhere near ready to admit it yet, but JAXX is the best thing that’s happened to him.

*

“My loneliness is killing me~” Jin sings, squinting from both the rotating disco lights of the karaoke room and the several shots of Jaeger he’s had thus far. “And I, I must confess, I still believe~ still believe!”

Pi can’t stop laughing, falling over himself at the other end of the booth while Jin treats them to his second Britney rendition of the evening. Across the table, Kame sits properly with his beer, looking as sober as a judge as they enjoy their last night of freedom before their debut performance.

Oddly enough, this was Kame’s idea. Upon watching the replay of their rehearsal, he’d determined that they looked stuffy and mechanical and needed to loosen up a bit. This surprised Jin, who thought they looked better than ever, but he suspects that it’s  _Kame_  who needs to loosen up. As far as Jin’s concerned, they’re friends again and the past eight years are irrelevant, but maybe it takes longer for Kame to shift gears. Being as Kame is the one who was actively mad at Jin for supposedly ruining his life, Jin finds this the most likely explanation.

“Take a shot with me,” Jin says to him after his song is over. Pi starts on Enrique Inglasias and Jin follows his request with a helpless face.

Kame looks amused, but he shakes his head. “I really shouldn’t get drunk tonight, Jin.”

“We don’t have to be at work until the afternoon,” Jin prods. “Come on, it’ll be something really lame like apple pucker. Just a celebratory shot for our duo.”

“That’s not it,” Kame says quietly, and Jin has to lean in to hear him. “I don’t trust myself when I’m drunk. Please understand this.”

Jin stares at him for a long time, his intoxicated mind swirling with possibilities, and finally he just nods and holds up his shot glass. “A toast, then.”

With a grateful smile, Kame holds up his beer. “To JAXX.”

“To JAXX!” Jin yells, and the clanking of glass fits perfectly with Pi’s screeching.

The rest of the night is blank, but Jin wakes up with all of his clothes on and a hint of strawberry on his lips. They must have left the karaoke room to go to the club, he reasons as he reaches full consciousness. Kame probably went with them, which is why Jin’s in his own bed (well, Pi’s guest bed, but it may as well be his) and not some skank’s. The girls they find at the club don’t care if he’s famous or not after a few drinks.

He rolls over onto his back and hits something that “oofs” at him. Frozen, Jin turns his head to meet messy black hair, sharp shoulders that drown in one of Jin’s T-shirts, and the unmistakeable scent of Kame’s cologne.

“We didn’t do anything,” Kame mumbles into his pillow. “Stop freaking out.”

“You kissed me,” Jin accuses him, his voice much lower than normal. “I’m wearing your goddamn strawberry lip gloss.”

The weight next to him shifts and the next time Jin focuses, Kame’s squinting at him with sleepy eyes and crazy bed hair. “For the record, you kissed me,  _again_ , and Pi told me it’s easier to just let you do it than try to stop you.”

Jin drops his head into his hands, his guilt pounding from ear to ear. “I’m sorry, Kazuya. Please don’t hate me for another eight years.”

Kame’s laugh fills him with relief. “I’m gay, remember? I don’t mind kissing pretty boys. Come on, let’s get up so we can rehearse one more time before the show tonight.”

He hops out of bed with the air of someone who barely drank last night, but Jin just grins at him.

“What?” Kame asks. “Oh, my hair, right? Yuichi says I look like Medusa in the morning. Watch out or I’ll turn you to stone.”

“You said it,” Jin says, happier than he should be. “You admitted that you’re gay.”

Kame blinks like he just realized it. “I did. Wow.”

“How’s it feel?” Jin asks. He thinks about moving, then decides against it.

“Good,” Kame replies, standing straight and grimacing at his reflection in the mirror on the wall. “Exhilerating. Like I can tackle anything.”

“There’s the Kazuya I know,” Jin says. “Clearly I just have the magic kiss. Every time I do it, your life changes.”

Kame snorts. “Please don’t do it again before the recording tonight. I don’t think I can handle two revelations in the same day.”

“Fine, I’ll wait until midnight then,” Jin jokes as he finally gets out of bed. Yesterday’s clothes are gross and he makes it into the shower with minimal bruising, washing last night off of him and waking up a little more. He brushes his teeth, gargles with mouthwash, and pulls his hair back in a ponytail before stumbling into the kitchen and harassing Pi for breakfast.

Four pancakes, two glasses of orange juice, and three cigarettes later, Jin’s lips still tingle and he can smell the faintest hint of strawberry.

*

Jin doesn’t know if it’s the Japanese stage, the Johnny’s costumes, or the music that he and Kame made together, but that first performance as JAXX takes him back to 2005. It’s in no way comparable to being solo, traveling overseas and doing it his own way, but it’s still something amazing. It feels like a full circle, the satisfying end of a story despite being only the beginning.

He doesn’t make it until midnight. The sound of the crowd’s deafening applause is still ringing in his ears as he floats off the stage, changes into his street clothes, and follows Kame out to his car after the many, many congratulations from nearly everyone in the studio.

Kame still tastes like strawberries, but this time he can actively feel Kame’s lips against his, completely still at first until he finally starts to move. Jin senses that he’s about to get pushed away and braces himself for it, licking between Kame’s lips in a last ditch effort to feel as much as he can, but both of Kame’s hands fist in his shirt and drag him halfway over the console.

It’s hot, both the temperature in the car and their kiss that escalates with every passing second. Kame flicks his tongue against Jin’s and Jin chases it back into his mouth, deepening their kiss that becomes more of a make out. Jin’s breathless when he finally pulls away, gasping for air while mostly twisted across the front seat.

“You should really stop kissing me,” Kame says, his own breaths audible. “I may get the wrong idea.”

“I wanted to remember it this time,” Jin blurts out, because his brain has yet to catch up with the rest of his body.

Kame adjusts his hair in the rear view mirror and gives Jin an incredulous look. “Do you even like boys?”

“Who the hell knows,” Jin replies. “I like kissing and messing around and… you know. If it feels right, I’m not really picky about the specifics.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” Kame says, and Jin scoffs. “Has it ‘felt right’ with a man before?”

Jin shakes his head. “I’ve kissed Pi a few times, but never sober. I don’t know why I feel the things I do, Kazuya. I just  _do_.”

“Typical,” mutters Kame, but he doesn’t look angry as he urges Jin back into his own seat. “I’m taking you home now.”

“To your place?” Jin asks hopefully.

“I don’t think so.” Kame laughs as he starts the car. “I’m taking you to Pi’s place and then taking myself home. We have an interview tomorrow anyway.”

“You said yourself that the sex you have is meaningless,” Jin says. “Why is it okay to go and fuck complete strangers, but I have to go home?”

“They’re not you,” Kame replies simply. “This duo is a second chance for more than just our careers, Jin. Don’t fuck it up.”

It doesn’t occur to Jin that he’d just sexually propositioned Kame until he gets home and stands in the doorway.

“You look lost,” Pi greets him.

“You sure are home a lot,” Jin replies. “Don’t you have work? Friends? Women?”

Pi doesn’t smile. “Didn’t you film Music Station tonight? Why do you look like you just made out in the backseat of a car?”

“Front seat,” Jin corrects automatically, then cringes. “Shit.”

“ _Jin_ ,” Pi draws out, rolling his eyes so dramatically that his head rolls with them. “I never thought I would ever say this to you, but you really need to stop kissing Kaz.”

“I’ve already heard that once tonight,” Jin points out. “But he’s a good kisser. And he thinks I’m pretty.”

Pi claps his hand to his forehead. “You’re impossible.”

“At least we’re getting along!” Jin exclaims. “It could be a lot worse, you know. Two weeks ago, he was still holding this ridiculous grudge against me for turning him gay.” He sighs exasperatedly. “I can’t count on one hand how many times I’ve kissed you, and you’re still a pimp with the ladies.”

“It’s true,” Pi says with a noncommittal shrug. “I also didn’t have a massive crush on you when I was too young to know what it meant.”

Time stops as his words sink in. Jin stares at Pi in disbelief, and it takes a second for Pi to catch his eye and immediately all of the color drains from his face.

“You didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t,” Jin agrees. “He conveniently left out that part.”

“Isn’t it obvious, though?” Pi asks, scratching his head as he backpedals. “I mean, why else would you kissing him fuck him up so much?”

_“Once upon a time, I may have wanted it to mean something.”_

“Shit!” Jin grabs his own hair and tugs in frustration. “Let me borrow your car.”

“No, absolutely not.” Pi races for his keys. “You can’t do anything about it now, Jin, it’s not 2005 anymore.”

“Only on a calendar,” Jin replies as he paces the room. “All week it’s been like nothing changed, Pi. It’s amazing. I’m actually enjoying working with him. We have fun together. If you’d told me two weeks ago I’d be having fun with Kamenashi Kazuya, I would have had you committed.”

“That in no way, shape, or form means that you should sleep with him,” Pi insists. “You two are friends again, and that’s great! Keep it that way, Jin. I’m serious.”

“We’re both adults now,” Jin tells him. “He still wants me, he just has morals.”

“Of which you have absolutely none,” Pi adds.

“I have morals!” Jin declares. “I waited until we got to the car.”

“You’re impossible,” Pi says again. “Why am I even arguing with you about this? Oh, right, because you’re both my friends and I’d rather not have a repeat of the past  _eight years_.”

Guilt floods Jin and in the next second he’s crossed the room and flung his arms around Pi. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in the middle like that.”

Pi reluctantly hugs him back, and it feels different compared to Kame. Pi has more around the middle, for one thing, but it also invokes absolutely no reaction inside him.

“I think I return his feelings,” Jin mumbles into Pi’s shirt. “A decade too late.”

“Oh, Jin.” Pi squeezes him tighter. “Please don’t fuck this up for both of you.”

“I’ve already heard that tonight, too.”

He feels Pi smile in his hair. “You two used to have something special, something that I didn’t quite understand. Kaz never really let that go. He may be grown now, but you still need to be careful with his feelings. He hasn’t had nearly as much experience as us due to his preference.”

“I wonder,” Jin thinks out loud. “If we’d worked this out ten years ago, I wonder what would be different now.”

“No sense in even thinking about that,” Pi says. “Like Nakamaru-kun said, everything happens for a reason. You were meant to work this out  _now_ , as adults who are smarter and more worldly.”

“Maybe we were meant to be together now, too,” Jin says stubbornly. “I’ve never been in love, did you know that? I write about it and sing from my heart because all I know is how it’s supposed to be. The cliches and the butterflies and living your life for that other person and shit.”

Pi hasn’t moved this whole time, and his eyes are big and worried when he pulls back. “Jin, think about what you’re saying.”

“I don’t know what I’m saying.” Jin flops down onto the couch and covers his face with both hands. “I just know what I feel and I can’t put it into words. It’s my curse. I have all of these  _feelings_  and all I want to do is explode because I don’t know how to express them.” He gasps for air. “Other than kissing him. When I kiss him, it feels right.”

Something jingles in front of his face, and Jin looks up to see Pi wordlessly holding out his keys.

Jin grabs them, plants a kiss on Pi’s lips, and feels nothing. “Thanks, man.”

“Don’t make me regret this,” Pi calls after him, but all Jin hears is the hope in his voice.

*

“Took you long enough,” Kame greets him at the door, staring hard despite his sleepy eyes, and Jin doesn’t know whether he’s just talking about tonight or overall.

“I’m sorry,” he says for the last time. “It took me forever to get here.”

The door is barely closed before Jin’s on him, taking the small body in his arms and claiming his mouth again. This time Kame kisses back right away, with an intensity that makes Jin’s head spin. They should probably talk about this, at the very least Jin should recount what he already told Pi, but Kame is too enticing and all at once the past fifteen years fly through his head. Childhood best friends, shattered by an uncontrollable display of affection that turned out to be one of the most important things he’s ever done. Eight years of coldness and distance leads up to here and now, this very moment where everything comes together just like it’s meant to, and it feels right.

This is it, he thinks. This is love.

“I love you,” Jin says strongly, because he believes in saying it when he means it.

“Jin,” Kame gasps against his lips, and Jin doesn’t know how he’s lived without hearing his name in this tone. “Think about what you’re saying.”

“I’ve already heard that once tonight,” is Jin’s automatic response. “All I’ve done for the past two weeks is think. I don’t want to think anymore.”

To his credit, Kame doesn’t respond, at least verbally. Jin finds himself carefully maneuvered through the apartment and stumbles whatever way Kame pulls him. He doesn’t bother to open his eyes; he trusts Kame. He’d never stopped trusting Kame. Through a doorway and Kame falls backwards, his fingers twisted in Jin’s shirt bringing him down as well, and Jin covers Kame’s body with his as his instincts take over.

This part is familiar, save for the hardening mass he’s grinding against, but it feels better than nothing and Jin wonders what else he’s missed out on by limiting himself to girls. Kame’s moan is deep, vibrating, enough to give Jin chills as he tries to touch Kame everywhere at once.

It’s Kame who tugs at Jin’s shirt first, which sets off a flurry of undressing that leaves them completely bare with their clothes aimlessly thrown around the room. Kame feels even better skin to skin, and Jin’s breath hitches when his erection bumps Kame’s. He would be embarrassed at the high-pitched noises he’s making if it didn’t feel so good, straddling Kame’s lap to feel more, and Kame’s nails dig into his back as Jin rocks against him.

“How do you want to do this?” Kame whispers, his voice breathy and so fucking hot.

“I don’t care,” Jin replies. “I just want to do it. You’re the expert here – tell me what to do.”

Kame moans low in his throat, and Jin can feel it in his toes. “Don’t tell me that. I’ll take advantage of it.”

“I owe you anyway,” Jin replies, dragging his lips down Kame’s jaw to his ear just to do something with his mouth. “What do you want, Kazuya? Do you want me to suck you off? Do you want to fuck me? I haven’t done either before, but I’ll do it for you. I stole your first kiss, it’s only right that you get a first of mine.”

“Jin,” Kame says again. “Stop moving or you won’t be able to do  _anything_.”

Jin halts abruptly and opens his eyes to see Kame completely flushed and heaving beneath him. Kame’s eyes slit open and it’s the most erotic thing Jin’s ever seen, followed by the kiss-swollen lips that he can’t keep closed. Jin can’t help it – he leans in to taste them again, slowly, and Kame’s tongue touching his feels like a hand on his cock.

“Are you sure?” Kame asks. “You want me to take you?”

“Yes,” Jin answers, becoming more inclined towards the idea as he scoots up Kame’s torso and spreads his legs more. “Like this.”

Another beautiful moan sounds from Kame’s lungs, and Jin jumps when one of Kame’s hands slides up the back of his thigh. It’s new and scary and exciting all at the same time, and Jin kisses Kame harder while Kame rummages in his drawer with his other hand. It takes way too long for Kame to touch him intimately, circling the tight ring of muscle that won’t stop contracting, and Jin chokes on his air at the overwhelming rush of  _need_  that encompasses him.

“Relax,” Kame whispers into their kiss. “This is going to feel weird at first, but it will get better once you get used to me.”

Jin just nods and tries to calm his body, which seems impossible as it keeps protesting the intrusion. Kame doesn’t rush him, barely poking his finger inside on every other cycle, and finally he pushes it in. As promised, it feels weird, but Kame’s other hand wraps around his cock and Jin’s focus shifts on the direct stimulation.

“Kazuya,” he gasps, and Kame moans low. Jin feels another finger enter him, both of them moving faster than before, and a brand new form of pleasure hits him as Kame’s fingertips graze something inside him. “Kazuya, Kazuya, Kazuya.”

“I love how you say my name,” Kame says as he continues to rub that spot and sneaks in a third finger. “Open up for me.”

It’s so dirty that Jin almost comes, stopping himself at the last minute by grabbing onto Kame’s wrist. He lets out a miserable whine, but Kame figures out what’s going on and busies his other hand with something that crinkles. It’s an odd feeling to hear a condom wrapper and not be the one wearing it, but if Kame’s dick feels anything like his fingers, he’d rather Kame be the one to put it on.

“Are you ready?” Kame asks, groaning as he lubes his sheathed length. “God, Jin, I’ve wanted this for years.”

“I knew it,” Jin replies, and Kame swats him on the arm. “This is something I never knew I’ve wanted for years.”

Kame scoffs, leaning up to kiss Jin one last time before pulling out his fingers and carefully grabbing Jin’s hips. “Slowly scoot back.”

Jin follows directions and feels it between his legs, lining up perfectly like they were magnetically attracted like this. He pushes back and then it just goes in. It’s such a surreal feeling that has him biting his lip as he’s stretched even more, but then he’s sitting on Kame’s pelvic bone and no words can possibly describe how it feels to have every inch of Kame inside him.

“Okay?” Kame sputters, very obviously holding back. “Whenever you’re ready, you can move.”

The desperation is evident in Kame’s voice and Jin gives a small roll of his hips in testing, moaning outright at the way Kame’s cock pulls out a little bit before pushing back in. The feeling guides him and Jin starts moving, leaning up to use his weight to rock back and forth. Kame’s hands tighten on Jin’s hips and Jin peeks through his eyes to see Kame arching beneath him, fighting to keep his own eyes open and on Jin as he rides him.

“This is-this is,” Jin sputters, unable to finish his thought as it’s fucked out of his head. “More.”

Without missing a beat, Kame thrusts up from below and now Jin’s bouncing, feeling Kame pound deep inside him and he cries out as that spot is stimulated again. Then Kame’s aiming for it, grunting from the force of his actions, and Jin doesn’t know what’s coming out of his mouth anymore. Incoherent babble, embarrassingly mushy confessions, it doesn’t matter. Proper words are irrelevant right now.

Just when Jin thinks it can’t get any better, Kame’s hand is on him again and all of Jin’s breaths are accompanied by moans. Kame’s stroking him intentionally, in time with his efforts, and this time Jin can’t stop him before it’s too late. He comes with a violent shudder, his body clamping down on Kame who groans as he has to thrust harder to push through it.

“Kazuya,” Jin says breathlessly, forcing his eyes open. Kame is fucking gorgeous right now, his hair all over the place with his head tossed back and neck exposed. “Come for me, baby.”

Kame’s scream echoes in Jin’s ears as he lets go, holding Jin still as he snaps his hips up into him a few more times before he comes. Jin feels it pulse inside him and he loves it, becoming a little sad when Kame pulls out and he’s left with nothing to fill him.

“Can we do that again later?” he asks, and Kame laughs through his much-needed breath.

“What are we doing, Jin?” he counters after awhile, when Jin’s heartbeat starts to calm down and Kame reaches down to snap off the condom.

“Cuddling,” Jin answers, snuggling up to Kame’s throat in emphasis. “Making up for lost time. Falling in love.”

“Love…” Kame repeats. “I don’t even know what that is anymore.”

“Finally,” Jin says. “Something we can both experience for the first time together.”

*

“So what’s it like to work together again?”

“He’s still as troublesome as ever,” Jin answers, thumbing towards the man sitting next to him, who rolls his eyes. “But it’s surprisingly fun.”

“We seem to match pretty well,” Kame adds, sounding put out about it, and the audience shrieks. “Even if he drives me crazy.”

The interviewer grins at them both. “About the lyrics for your debut single, ‘Oasis’. It seems to have two distinct moods, the darkness of hiding behind a mask along with the hopefulness of one day breaking out and screaming to the world, ‘Here I am!’ That’s even the chorus: ‘Here I am, I was made this way, the shining oasis in the distance tells me it’s okay’. Can you explain how this song came to be?”

Jin nudges Kame, who clears his throat. “I think everyone has their own demons that keep them from accepting who they are. Even in my own personal life, there were many times I’ve felt lost or confused about my true self, particularly growing up on a stage like this. I wanted to share my story for anyone else who feels this way, so they know they’re not alone and that it’s okay to be whoever they are.”

“Don’t take all of the credit,” Jin chides him. “I’ve also felt like that before.”

“When have you  _ever_  been uncertain about yourself?” Kame challenges, and the audience squeals some more. “Akanishi Jin has always been Akanishi Jin. It’s the main constant in a world of variables.”

Jin glares at him. “I’ve had demons, too.”

“Sure you have,” Kame says dismissively, trying not to laugh as he turns back to the interviewer. “Anyway, I’ve since found my oasis, and I hope everyone who listens to our song does, too.”

The next question has Jin visibly cringing. “Does this mean a reunion for KAT-TUN? What’s that face, Akanishi-kun?”

Jin laughs, and Kame elbows him. “We’ll see,” he says.

“Nakamaru-kun’s university graduation is tomorrow night,” Kame adds. “We’ll both be there supporting him.”

“I’ve already made a sign,” Jin offers. “It says ‘You’re actually smart, Big Nose’.”

Kame turns to fix him with an unimpressed look. “I’m not sitting by you.”

“They’re assigned seats,” Jin replies, sticking out his tongue. “You’re stuck with me.”

“Just like everywhere else,” Kame grumbles.

“Congratulations to both of you,” the interviewer says, and the building rings with applause. “Will you please perform for us?”

“Absolutely,” Jin and Kame reply in unison, then proceed to sing their coming out song for the entire country.

*

“Because we’ve always wanted to live on the edge~” Kame sings into the microphone, and Ueda opens his mouth to follow.

But it’s Jin’s voice that comes out, his unmistakeable vibrato that has the entire arena shrieking with one note. He walks out into the spotlight during the next line, smirks at the cameras, and fist-pounds with Ueda as he takes his (rightful) place next to Kame.

“We’re taking reality into our hands,” they harmonize, and for the next four minutes, it’s like Jin never left. This is what their first debut should have been, all six of them jumping around and having fun while singing the lyrics that defined them as KAT-TUN.

“Who is this guy?” Koki asks the crowd after the song is over, pointing towards Jin. “I’ve never seen him before in my life.”

Jin races across the stage and puts him in a headlock while Ueda cheers them on like a referee. Koki ends up wrestling Jin to the ground, but instead of tackling him, he holds out his hand and pulls Jin into a giant hug.

“What’s your name again?” Jin says into the microphone, and Koki swats him in the head.

“Former member Akanishi Jin!” Kame announces from the other side of the stage, and Jin turns to face him. “Welcome home.”

“Welcome home!” the audience screams, and something wet drips down Jin’s cheek. Must be sweat.

“I’m home,” Jin says, his voice cracking (from singing, naturally), and arms come up from behind to embrace him. It’s Ueda, and Jin feels like he’s nineteen again, being comforted by the only leader he’s ever known.

Then Nakamaru’s in his face, hugging him from the front, and he brings his microphone to his mouth to cry dramatically, “Ji~n, I missed you!”

The others laugh, and Jin makes a face as he pats Nakamaru awkwardly on the back.

“I don’t have to miss you,” Kame says pointedly. “I see you all the damn time.”

The fans go crazy at that, and Nakamaru pulls back with a curious expression. “Ah, you two have a duo unit now, right?”

“Yeah,” Jin and Kame grumble emotionlessly.

“I like your new song,” Nakamaru goes on. “As I’ve recently graduated from university-”

“Congratulations!” someone screams from the crowd, and the others follow.

“Thank you, thank you,” Nakamaru says, bowing his head before addressing the others. “As a commencement present, I want to hear it.”

“Hear what,” Jin and Kame both deadpan.

“Oasis,” Nakamaru goes on, and the audience cheers their agreement. “Since you didn’t get me anything.”

“I was  _there_ ,” Jin argues. “My presence was your present.”

Taguchi snorts. “You need to work on your puns, Akanishi.”

Laughter erupts while Jin turns to make faces at Taguchi for a few seconds. When he returns his attention to the front, there’s a guitar in his face.

“We don’t have the backing track here,” Ueda tells him, and Jin recognizes the guitar as Ueda’s. “You can still play, right?”

Jin narrows his eyes at the taunting and snatches the guitar. “Let’s do it, Kazuya.”

 _That_  has the audience roaring, and Kame lets a smile slip before setting his performer face. Jin strums the first few notes to Oasis and they sing it acoustic, a little slower than usual but with just as much feeling. Their voices are even more powerful without all of the production behind them, and everyone in the arena is dead silent from beginning to end.

“Thank you for forgiving me,” Jin says after the final note, speaking to both the fans and Kame. “I won’t let you down again.”

“You never did in the first place,” Kame replies, and the beginning notes of Haruka na Yakusoku take the attention away from Jin’s glossy eyes.

*

They still call him a failure. They still ridicule him for leaving KAT-TUN, resorting to JAXX as a last ditch effort to be famous, and continuing to create the kind of music he loves in Japanese, English, and most recently Spanish. Jin imagines he could become Prime Minister and win the Nobel Peace Prize, and they would ridicule him for that, too.

“Haters gonna hate,” says the T-shirt Nakamaru got him for Christmas, and Jin wears it with pride. There’s a big smiley face giving a middle finger on it, and Kame won’t be seen with him in public when he’s wearing it.

That’s okay, though, since Jin sees him everywhere else. At work, where JAXX is on their second album and subsequent tour, with a variety show in the works. Most of the last year they’d spent apart, Jin on his latest movie set while Kame performed his first ever solo concert back-to-back with KAT-TUN’s second world tour.

And they’re  _together_. Being with Kame is being with Kame no matter the level of relationship, although sleeping with him gives Jin a higher advantage than most. Six months after their debut, Pi asked Jin why the hell he still lived with him when Kame stayed over nearly every night, and not always for  _those_  reasons. It was just easier to commute together, which was the main logic of Kame very, very reluctantly moving Jin into his apartment.

Jin knew going in that this wasn’t going to be easy. They’re polar opposites – Kame’s neat and Jin is messy, Kame’s early while Jin is late. In the first month, Jin was forbidden from cooking unsupervised and going anywhere near the washing machine. Kame had to prod him to do everything except be affectionate, which always won Kame over even when he was raging mad.

Somehow, much like their duo unit, it just worked.

“Bless my soul,” Kamenashi-mama says as she answers the door, clutching her chest. “Jin-kun, I haven’t seen you in  _years_.”

“Your son should bring me around more,” Jin replies, bowing his head politely. “We’ve been a duo unit for two years now.”

Next to him, Kame’s standing entirely too far away. Jin knows damn well why Kame hasn’t brought him home yet, despite Jin practically living here when they were kids.

“Come in, come in,” his mother rushes them, pulling Jin into her arms and squeezing him tight. She’s an older version of his own mother, which makes sense because they’re good friends. In fact, Jin had to make  _his_  mother promise not to tell anyone about he and Kame dating until Kame was comfortable enough to do it himself.

Today is that day. Jin feels nervous  _for_  him, because Kame has a much bigger family than Jin and strives for their approval more. Jin’s father had just grunted, waving at Kame awkwardly, but Jin had caught him smiling when Jin put his arm around Kame later that afternoon. Reio loves Kame and his mother loves everyone, but they’re all considerably younger and more liberal than Kame’s family.

“You don’t have to tell them,” Jin had insisted last weekend. “I don’t mind being your dirty secret.”

“That’s just it, Jin,” Kame had replied. “You’re already my dirty secret in the daylight. Luckily, our jobs require us to act like we’re dating anyway. I don’t want to act at home, whether my own or my parents’.”

Now he stands in the kitchen while Jin greets Kame’s brothers. All of them. For the first time, Jin feels a bit intimidated, because all three of them could definitely beat him up. Then the oldest one brings out pictures of his daughters and Jin is almost too smitten to hear the conversation in the next room.

Almost. “Kazuya, we’re having hot pot for dinner, is that all right with you?”

“I love hot pot,” Kame replies. “And I’m gay.”

Jin freezes, which seems to be the common reaction in the room. Yuichiro eyes Jin first, and Jin knows his guilt is shining on his face. It’s quiet for a second until Kamenashi-mama laughs and says, “Okay? Are you seeing someone, then? Do we get to meet him?”

“I think we already have,” Yuichiro calls over to her, and Jin can’t look at Kame’s dad as he steps over towards his second youngest son.

“I always had a feeling, Kazuya,” he says. “I hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about telling us. We still love you no matter what.”

“Jin-kun,” Koji says from the next couch, and Jin lifts his eyes. “Please take care of my little brother.”

Yuichiro and Yuya grunt their agreement, and Jin nods at them. Then feminine arms wrap around his neck and this hug is much different than before.

“I’m so happy you boys have sorted out your issues,” Kamenashi-mama mumbles into his hair. “You two used to have something special, and it broke my heart to see you apart for so long.”

Jin bites his lip and looks around for Kame. He must have felt Kame’s eyes on him, because they’re practically staring a hole in his head, his body shaking as he stands alone in the kitchen. Apologetically Jin pulls out of Kame’s mom’s embrace and heads to her son, who clutches onto him and lets out a breath larger than he is into Jin’s shoulder.

“That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” Kame tells him. His voice is shaking, too. “And I’ve worked with you off and on for almost half of my life.”

“Hey,” Jin protests, and Kame laughs.

“Next time don’t wait two years to tell us,” Kamenashi-mama chides them as she heads back to the dinner preparations; Jin rushes to offer his assistance.

“There won’t be a next time,” Kame says firmly.

_“Kazuya, what’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing is wrong.”_

_“Really? Because you’re hugging me so tight I can hardly breathe.”_

_“I missed you, idiot.”_

_“Aw, I missed you, too.”_

_“All I did was think about you the entire time. It was annoying.”_

_“That means you love me.”_

_“If you say so.”_

_“Say it. I tell you all the time.”_

_“I’m not as confident about my feelings as you are.”_

_“It’s not about confidence. It’s about what you feel. How do you feel?”_

_“… I love you, Jin.”_

Jin turns to smile at him. And walks right into the door frame.


End file.
